It’s Mother’s Day soon, and ummm, since I guess I’m a “mum” now, I’ve been given permission to take over the blog to give my musings on motherhood this week. What it means to me now that I’ve got a tiny blonde version of myself doing the spinning of my world. *a side note, stay away from those spinning things at playground with a hangover, they are actual death after a recovery latte.
Until not too long ago, I used to be a smug ‘no baby’ kinda gal, who not only judged children, but their mothers too. I used to roll my eyes at the sentence ‘you’ll never know true love until you have your own child’, as well as ‘they are the meaning of life’. Now I have my own child, a rambunctious & hilarious toddler who looks like he might be a cast member from ‘Children of the Corn’, I can weigh in with greater authority on this whole ‘motherhood’ game.
Mainly? Everyone, stop the f#%king judging. Yep, that’s to you non-kid people, and ALSO to you fellow mothers. If you don’t have kids, don’t pretend you would be better at it. (To be fair, I TOTALLY thought I would be better at it.)
Stop rolling your eyes when a child dares to make noise in public. Guess what? That mother used to be cool and kid-free once too, and is also loathing the noise. If it was legal to gaffer tape children’s mouths shut they possibly would, but it’s out of their hands legally, and they’re already in cold sweats of embarrassment, so just grab your six pack of craft beer and move on, ok?
And to other mothers? Please stop the ‘mother’ judging. I know you claim your kid never eats sugar, or watches screens, but I saw the chocolate packet in the back of your angelic Snapchat, and your kid is singing the Frozen theme song on repeat, so I think you’re pretty much busted. None of us really know what we are doing, so let's keep the discussions to how to make the perfect afternoon margarita, you feeling me?
And if you are perfect? Then rad, pat yourself on the activewear clad back and roll on, because I’m pretty sure we can’t be friends anymore.
As for the elusive work/life juggle? Man, it’s a whole new world. Currently I work, freelance, mother and partner. I’m a sister, best friend, daughter and avid night time socialiser. I even get in a pilates class here and there. I’m so friggin tired and I’ve got a million balls in the air, but I’m also happy, fulfilled and I’m doing my damn hardest with relative degrees of success. There are plenty of tantrums and a lot of sultanas, but also so much love and a bunch of laughter.
Look, my kid eats kale (like, seriously, not just on instagram) but also nails those obnoxious squeezy yogurts covered in cartoons. He’s f#$king ridiculously adorable and infuriatingly challenging all at once. It takes a good dose of humour, and a large amount of wine to get through some days, and I recommend a balanced blend of girlfriends both with and without children to make it through. You’ll need both.
This ‘mum’ life is more chaotic, more insane and messier than I ever thought. It’s challenging and very rarely as chic as it looks on instagram. But it’s a strangely beautiful madness that brings more joy than I ever expected. And we’re doing it ok. We’ve kept our friends, and our jobs, and even taken the tiny tyrant overseas a few times without being thrown off any flights. He isn’t our entire world, just our very favourite part of an already full and happy life.
TBH? For the soppy Hallmark ending? Honestly, I absolutely knew what true love was before my son arrived, but maybe I never knew how much I needed it. I’ve slowly become a walking cliche, and I think I’m ok with that.
Just don’t ask me to brunch at a kid friendly cafe in yoga gear. I’m just not that kind of mum.
*dedicated to Henry Gruff : the cutest, funniest, smartest, coolest little dude I know. Being your mother is a gift.